Cheers to Brian!

This actually has nothing to do with Scotland or anything. But I would like to dedicate this post to Brian, my dear friend whose life was tragically taken six years ago today. I still remember what was happening; I had come home from band practice with confirmed rumors of his death. A sort of numbness came over me; it was like I was frozen. And then, the disarray of emotions started. First came sadness and emptiness, followed by a wee bit of joy during the funeral when we were laughing and talking with friends about the good times we shared. Then the anger. I was angry and guilty; guilty at myself because I wished that I had gotten to know him better. After the guilt came the anger. I was angry at God because he had taken away a good friend of mine and someone's loved one and family member. It seemed vile and cruel; how could a God who loves all rip someone out of our lives?

Yes, it was horrible. Those were dark days in my youth as I began my junior year of high school. I did what any other high schooler did; stayed after school for marching band, hung out with my friends, did my homework and obeyed my parents. But still...the anger. It was there, but I learned to suppress it. Eventually though I realized I had to let it go. So I did. Took me an additional almost three years to do so, but I will never forget that night. October 2008. 2-o-clock in the morning, there I was...wide awake. Crying, because the guilt and shame finally got to me. And I let it go. All of it. Ever since that night I haven't been the same, and my faith and relationship with God grew. Even today it's still growing. Now here I am today, almost three years later since that October night, sitting in my Scottish flat with a spider crawling on my wall. Looking back on that time in my life, I think it was meant to be. A blog that I avidly follow had a post titled "Everything Happens for a Reason." I must say that I am a firm believer in that statement, and I thank God for the life that I have led. I believe I never would have gotten into Berea College if it wasn't for Him. I wouldn't be here in Scotland right now if it wasn't for Him. I would have never met Brian if it wasn't for Him...didn't realize it then but I do now.

So I will close now by saying this; I am who I am because of a, the choices I have made, and b, God. That's it. I am so privileged to have known Brian for when I did, and he was such a good person. I think about him every now and then and wonder what he would have been like. He brought so much joy to all those who knew him, and he never failed to make me smile...trying not to cry now. So here's to you Brian. Thanks for being a great friend. Cheers!

One of few remaining pics of us together. I was just a wee 8th grader. O how the time flies